And then I met her
It was in the midst of this delightful and easy summer that I was struck as if by lightning by the appearance of the woman I would begin to develop a life partnership with. As they always say it is when we finally stop looking that it appears. And appear she did.
As I recovered from the deep opening of my heart, I began to relax into my love life. I had finally become willing not to just simply connect in whatever way my partners would take me- but to be intentional in the way I related. In this opening I realized that I was ready to fully be present in a love connection- with the intention of building a deep life partnership- not just romance or sex. Realizing this and setting this intention did not diminish the amount of sexual and intimate connections I had that summer- but it in fact relieved me of the expectation for them to be more- because I knew now what I was seeking. I would take on submissive partners but I would no longer casually date and build emotional intimacy with someone without being clear on what the target of the relationship was.
This relief of misplaced and confused romantic desire, along with my clarity of vision allowed my first true power exchange relationship to develop. This relationship would become deep and intense in its own way and provide me with a wealth of both pleasure and insight into relational psychology and intimacy- but it was in fact always secondary to my primary intention of finding a partner, an equal.
In the midst of this new wave of intimate power, that partner appeared like the sun breaking through the clouds after a storm. Meeting her was not like the turbulent and passionate affairs of the past but rather like basking in the warmth of a feeling I knew had been there all along but was simply obscured. Her warmth, radiance, and consistency made all others in my life shrink as she showed me what it was possible to feel. When we met, I knew immediately that she would be the one. I was perhaps a little afraid to admit or believe that I knew at the time but looking back, it was as clear as the day all along. I believe she knew too. Both of us knowing and yet not knowing how this connection would unfold was delightful as we gently and curiously explored each other. Slowly becoming more intimate, more safe, more secure but all the while having this deep feeling that there was never any danger to begin with. There was a deep magnetism beneath the surface- perhaps so intense that we both knew it must be metered out in a healthy way if we were to sustain a long term connection. We were like two trees- growing into our own lives and yet under the earth our roots began to slowly grow towards each other; sharing more and more resources and steadily beginning to entwine.
And together we shared this intention. Of building towards each other- with no timeline but a commitment to explore the earth between us. This connection filled my heart with warmth and surrounded me with an air of safety and love. Even with any distance between us- I no longer felt alone in this world. There was a soft and steady confidence that I was now part of something more. Her voice makes my chest vibrate with joy and her smile makes me flush.
Now I wonder why I ever doubted that she was real. It was as if by magic- all I had to do was become willing to truly meet her and within weeks we were together.
#her