Relationship Working
I spent a long time frustrated with my love life but the reality is- I needed a lot of time to become willing, and to grow into a person who could handle the kind of relationship I wanted. There was this long standing tension inside me between deeply wanting to find a life partner but also only being able to understand myself in the world as a single person. I would constantly tell myself “one day, I will meet the girl” but the “one day” was just a way of saying “not now” and putting off having to reevaluate my own image of myself. And so I would be in this frustrating dance of wanting to connect but not being willing to be vulnerable.
In retrospect I think the true hinderance was my own inability to envision a relationship that could truly inspire me. But as I gained more experience, especially in the BDSM and poly communities I began to gain the knowledge and belief that my ideal relationship was indeed attainable. Through seeing others do what I once thought was not available to me- seeing kinky throuples and poly powercouples and nerds dating pornstars, and so so many beautiful who wanted, begged for, dominance- I began to see that if they could do it, so could I. This was like a 2nd step for me- I came to believe that my ideal relationship was possible, and that I could truly be fulfilled and would fulfill my partner as well.
And so what was needed next was a 3rd step. A decision made possible through willingness. This was a perfect use-case for the door ritual.
Here is the process I used to manifest my ideal romantic relationship. I am certain that if it worked for me it could work for anyone.
The Vision
I had to develop a vision for my ideal relationship that I believed was possible before I would be able to become willing to live it. This process took the longest, and in fact once it was complete I found myself in exactly the relationship I had envisioned almost immediately.
I did this by making a vision board for the relationship. By watching the way other people had relationships and seeing the parts I liked and discerning what I did not like. I used prayer and trance work. I “lived in” the result and imagined I was already with her. I wrote out lists of what she was like, what we did together, how the sex was, how I acted and felt. I saw myself as my ideal self with a partner.
The important part here was not to have a “checklist” of qualities but almost an “astral palace”. I created a ritual space in my mind filled with aesthetics, emotions, senses of being in my ideal relationship that was tactile and consistent. All the lists and vision boards were there to support this vision . Once I could comfortably rest in the vision, with the full belief that it was possible for me- I was ready to make the decision.
The Door
I had to develop the willingness not only to receive the vision but also the willingness to let go of the attachments that stood in the way of the vision. Through trance work and self reflection I was able to see that there were other desires I had that were blocking the expression of my desire to be in a fulfilling partnership. The most pressing one was a deep black tar in my soul that caused me to desire victimization. When I did not get the gifts that seemed so clearly accessible to me- I was able to blame the world and life for treating me unfairly. This was a response mechanism that I had developed from a young age- and it was a behavior I had learned to receive attention and compassion.
In my meditation I finally saw that all I wanted was that compassion but I was trying to get through pity by casting myself as the lonely victim. I was finally ready to release this attachment because my heart felt strong enough that I could love myself. I no longer desired to gain compassion in this old way and was ready to let it go. And so I banished the shadow and returned the lonely child into my heart. I was ready now to step through the door into the life I envisioned. A life as a partner, and a cooperator.
I drew the door in the air and through it I saw my lover, her arms wrapped around me, my face buried in her chest as we laid in the afternoon light. I saw us hand in hand looking for a new home together- eating out at fancy restaurants- picking up other lovers together and traveling the world. Falling in love. With the sign of the enterer I passed the threshold and stepped into this life. It was done. I had made the decision and now the life I was dreaming about had become my reality.
I was once someone else and that life is now gone- I stand firmly in the life I desired, and my reality is filled with love.
I could feel the vibration of this new, confident and loving and vulnerable and brave life spread out from my heart and fill the universe.
All that was left now was to create the amulet to represent the work that had been accomplished. A physical totem to represent this ideal.
The Amulet
The amulet was the final piece of the recipe.
From the moment I began developing the vision, I had begun to step away from my mundane life. Doing any magical work begins long before the actual ritual. Our attachment to reality becomes loosened and we enter into a liminal state between our old life and the new one. Stepping through the door was the point of no return and represented a full departure into the drift (the place between lives). The decision had to be sealed to be completed, allowing me to reenter into mundane reality with the assurance that I was now in a new life. For me, and for this particular working- I wanted a necklace. A totem that would subtly remind me that I had already decided to become partnered, and that the relationship had already begun even while I had yet to meet her. This necklace would also work as a beacon to attract my partner- so that she could recognize me.
I had previously been successful in creating an amulet with an invocation to Aphrodite. That old amulet attracted many sexual connections to me which was its goal, but I had to desecrate it eventually as I needed a break from all the shallow connections. This time I would follow a similar strategy but focused all on attracting my relationship ideal.
I prayed to Hekate for guidance in this magic, and she told me to create the amulet, invoke Aphrodite into it and wear it while I orgasmed to the vision of my ideal.
I made the amulet from emerald and silver wire, while praying to aphrodite to bless it and to guide me in its creation. As I twisted the wire around the gem I could feel the warm wet guidance of aphrodite, as if she were stroking my hair and whispering in my ear. Making the amulet was almost trance like for me. Every piece fit perfectly. I then took the amulet to my altar and almost as if She had entered my body I began to pray. As the smell of benzoin filled the room, I disrobed and placed the amulet around my neck. Then before me stood my lover- her platinum curls framing her honey eyes- her full lips slightly parted. I became erect as I sat before my perfect match- Aphrodite herself standing behind me, holding me, stroking me, and licking my ear. The Goddess guiding me into the vision, the three of us conjoined in passion. As I orgasmed, I sent the energy up into my heart and the amulet, and the whole vision became sucked into the amulet with a white pink flash of warm heat- it was sealed and the Goddess held her hands over my chest blessing me.
The working was complete and The Amulet was charged.
From then on I was able to move forward in life with confident assurance that my partner and I were connected. That I now lived in my ideal relationship. This assurance granted me the mental freedom to move onto more pressing works and other magical endeavors. I knew immediately the charging ritual had been a success- but that confidence would just grow with everyday that I wore the new necklace. It felt warm, like a lovers touch, and I always felt safe and loved while wearing it.
When I did finally meet her- I recognized her at once and the amulet seemed to tug me towards her.
#magic